November 30, 2003

Why the East Coast Sucks: A Qualitative Study

In honor of white settlers killing american indians, I flew back to home base for a whole three days. It was pretty fantastic all around. Though my visit was brief, I still managed to:

*Meet my brother’s latest girlfriend (she’s beautiful and thin with long blond hair and blue eyes – a perfect replica of his last 10 girlfriends, only with slightly more spunk)
*Go to Aliso Creek Beach and watch the sunset
*Drive down the freeway super fast with my brother – dancing to outkast
*Drink with my mom
*Eat fish tacos
*See the damage from all of the fires and inhale mass amounts of ash – which continues to fill the air and cover the ground and everything else with a centimeter-thick blanket of filth
*Drink with Nikki’s family
*Chill with my friend Jenny – who I hadn’t seen in almost 5 years
*Sing and smoke a bowl or two with Jenny’s boyfriend and his garage band
*Drink margaritas with thanksgiving dinner
*Eat more fish tacos and tasty tasty chipotle
*Argue with my father about the positive effects of anger management
*Watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie (circa 1990) with a delighted 7 year old
*Sit on the beach in Coronado in short sleeves… soaking up the deliciously warm sun

Now I’m back in miserable Maryland/DC. The second I got off the plane in Baltimore I was stunned by the frigid wave that seemed to come from the people and the winter weather. Soon after, I was charged $16 for a 4 mile cab ride to where I had parked my car at work. I’m hoping to wake up tomorrow morning to a warm smile and welcome home from Auntie Em, but I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna happen. The best I can do is grin and bear it for the next three weeks before my return to paradise.

Posted by j*2the*olie at November 30, 2003 11:52 AM

"A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me you didn't pay money for this."

Posted by: gene on November 30, 2003 12:12 PM

Oh and also, John Fenner who did the cinematography for TMNT, I think, should get more props for taking a kids movie and doing it like film noir with the whole truckload of noir techniques (like chiaroscuro lighting). I remember so many scenes in that film where the film grain is so big it looks like someone kicked sand in the camera lens. It's awesome, and a must see for anyone thinking that you can't do art and commercial at the same time.

Posted by: gene on November 30, 2003 12:18 PM

we're waitin' for your return, my dear!

Posted by: erica on November 30, 2003 12:47 PM

east coast sucks ass

Posted by: tom d on May 21, 2004 12:14 PM

Tell it, Tom! Tell it.

Posted by: Jolie on May 21, 2004 04:22 PM

East Coast and the centric ideal of east coast being something great is comedy! Sick of it never going to the east coast again Mid west and and west coast is the best.

Posted by: Chris on July 11, 2004 03:34 AM

east Coast HAHAHAHA!! fuck baseball and pizza!

Posted by: JOhn Homes on August 1, 2004 11:53 PM

what the hell are you talking about? if it werent for the east coast, there wouldnt be an america at all, it all started here, and everything worth mentioning is here, the best beahes, in florida, teh biggest and best city, new york, everything, the midwest, ok, nothing there at all, except chicago, and everyone gets shot there, and west coast LOL, IT REALL SUCKS, AND WHEN EVER THEY STOP GETTING HIGH AND REALIZE THAT THE GROUND REALLY IS SHAKING AND ITS NOT THERE IMAGINATION, THEY MIGHT FIGURE IT OUT!

Posted by: EAST COAST ROCKS on August 4, 2004 12:17 PM

east coast punctuation could use a little work, though.

Posted by: didofoot on August 4, 2004 01:20 PM

I'm curious as to how Mr. ECR found his way to threequarters. I mean, I'm assuming the others found their way via "east coast sucks" channels. Clearly, Mr. ECR has yet to attend one of those fancy east coast schools.

Posted by: Jolie on August 4, 2004 04:11 PM

Fuck Mobb Deep
Fuck Biggie
Fuck Bad Boy as a staff record, record label
and as a motherfuckin crew
And if you wanna be down with Bad Boy
Then fuck you too
Chino XL, fuck you too
All you motherfuckers, fuck you too

Alla y'all motherfuckers, fuck you die slow motherfucker
My fo-fo make sure all yall kids dont grow
You motherfuckers cant be us or see us
We the motherfuckin Thug Life ridahs WEESSSSSSTSIIIIIDE till we die!
Out here in California we warn ya we'll bomb on you motherfuckers
We do our job
You think you mob, nigga we the motherfuckin mob
Ain't nuttin but killers and the real niggaz
All you motherfuckers feel us
Our shit's go triple and four-quadruple

You niggaz laugh coz our staff got guns in they
motherfuckers belt, you know how it is
When we drop records they felt
You niggaz can't feel it
We the realest, FUCK EM, we Bad Boy killaz!

Posted by: kjk on October 26, 2004 06:51 PM

Godspeed, you suburban white kid.

Posted by: Jacob on October 27, 2004 12:52 PM

To say any coast sucks is absurd! So much talent and prosperity from both coasts. People put to much displaced hate on others, to put it on a coast of all things is so fucking childish, and kjk nice tupac quote, lol 2pac we feel you nigga

Posted by: Rizza4Reala on December 5, 2004 04:50 PM

Ok... West Coast has Los Angleles, Golden Gate Bridge, Hollywood.. the ghetto

West coast has Miami, New York... the urban ghetto

Midwest has tornadoes..

what about the south coast?! Everyone hates Texas and Louisiana or somethin?

Posted by: lol on December 6, 2004 03:20 PM

west is the new east!

dood, spellcheck.

Posted by: michele on December 7, 2004 11:21 AM

Is there such a thing as punctuationcheck?

Posted by: Dianna on December 7, 2004 11:32 AM