Threequarters

Gurlz Gone Wild – Part I

As some of you may know, I recently had quite the dating adventure. For those of you who missed out on some (or all) of the details, I’ve decided to catalogue the experience here on threequarters in the form of a timeline.

Early February – Emily mentions that she has a friend who is interested in me. She says that the two of us have a lot in common she thinks we would make a good match. I meet said girl, she makes me laugh, I express interest.

Monday, 8:30pm – Said girl calls me and asks me out on a date. I am giddy and cute and say that I would love to go out sometime. Said girl asks “how about tomorrow.” I think, “wow, this girl seems eager…but whatever,” and say “tomorrow sounds great.”

Tuesday, 3:30pm – Said girl arrives for our date. We go to Starbucks and talk over lattes for 2 hours solid. Things seem fabulous. We both remark that this is the “best first date ever.” Things are going SO well that we decide to upgrade our “coffee date” and trade it in for a dinner date. We go out for amazing sushi (which takes us a ridiculously long time to eat because we are talking so goddamn much) and spend another 2 hours chatting and being flirty and cute.

Tuesday, 8:00pm – I call the folks over at the Guinness Book of World Records to announce that this is indeed the best first date in all of history due to the last determining factor…not that the evening ended with wild crazy sex (that comes later), but because we came back to my place and watched Buffy with Emily and Erica. It really doesn’t get much better than that.

Tuesday, 9:30pm – I walk my date out to her car. We express our mutual sentiments that the date was a quality one. Said girl says that she would like to see me again. Once again, I’m giddy and cute and say that I would love to go out again too. There is a goodnight hug, but no kiss…not because there is no chemistry, but because said girl has never dated a girl before…which makes the first kiss slightly more complicated and in need of more prep time.

Wednesday, 7:00pm – I call said girl and we set up plans for our next date. We agree that Friday sounds suitable and agree on going to see a movie and possibly getting dinner.

Friday, 7:00pm – VALENTINE’S DAY – Erica and I get word that both of our dates are stuck in traffic on the bridge. We know that they are stuck together because they live in the same house and left at the same time. We laugh at how comical it is that our dates are on the exact same path and will probably be the exact same amount of late. Erica suggests that we pass the time by painting our toenails. So we do.

Friday, 9:00pm – My date arrives before Erica’s does. Said girl and I head off for the movie. We buy our tickets and walk around the city for a while to kill time. Once again, our chemistry is delightful. Our conversation seems endless and there is definitely a romantic spark.

***For those of you who are still reading, I applaud you for tolerating this ridiculously lengthy post. Let me reward you with the knowledge that things are about to get more interesting.***

Saturday, 1:00am – Said girl and I return home from our date and decide to talk about our dating status. She explains to me that she definitely wants to date me, but that she might need time as far as anything physical goes (at this point, we haven’t even held hands). Despite the voice in my head that’s saying “for christ sake, why do I always end up dating this newbies, I might as well be freaking celibate,” I reassure her that I’m chill and am willing to be patient. I wasn’t lying. I really was willing to be patient. But, as it turns out, patience wasn’t necessary at all.

Saturday, 2:30am – Said girl gets up to go while saying “gee, I’m exhausted, I don’t know if I’m safe to drive home…maybe I should spend the night.” I say in a flustered voice “sure, um, whatever you wanna do, it’s fine with me.” I find her a set of pajamas to wear and we go to bed, side by side with about five inches of room between us. After a few minutes, she grabs my hand and says “if you want to, you can kiss me.” But I want to give her time…so I say “it’s ok with me if we just hold hands some more.” I think things are settled at that, but clearly, she has other plans in mind, because the next thing I know she is completely on top of me and we are making out like I’ve never made out before.

Now, I have to say that my dating experiences have been across the board. I’ve dated some girls that were on the more proper end of the spectrum (they’ve been few and far between). I’ve dated several girls who were… how should I put this…more adventurous. But none of them, my friends, hold and candle to the girl in this story. She was ALL OVER THE PLACE. I was just trying to catch my breath and stay afloat. For a while, I tried to slow things down. I didn’t want things to get TOO serious… it was her first time with a girl, after all. But I realized pretty quickly that this girl was on a mission. The mission to have wild, crazy, ravenous sex with me, and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

***Look out for “Gurlz Gone Wild: Part II,” it’ll be illustrated and it’s coming soon.***